I Didn’t Mean To Ignore You
I didn’t mean to ignore you. I really didn’t. You’re very important to me. You’ve given me the opportunity to express ideas I never thought I could. You’ve allowed me to explore who I really am in ways I may never have otherwise explored.
You have taught me that my perspective isn’t the only one that matters but it’s the only one I have. I’ve gone back and forth many times about how much time we should ultimately spend together. And, I keep saying I should spend more time with you. But, I go through these phases and get busy. But, for some reason, I always end up coming back. Maybe it’s because I see you in my inbox everyday. Maybe there’s guilt involved. Maybe there is something I just won’t admit. I don’t know the answer. But you’re there. You don’t judge me but your subtle presence makes me remember I shouldn’t ignore you.
It’s been almost three months since we last connected and while you haven’t been totally out of mind, I must admit I’ve gone elsewhere. I haven’t stopped doing what we normally do. I’ve just done some of it elsewhere. Why? Well, I felt like we were a bit too formal some days and I needed some place to express my heart in a freer way. I needed to be able to say things without feeling like they wouldn’t fit in here. So, I took my ideas and shared them using another medium.
In a few cases I got paid as well. I opened my email inbox one day and saw you. But, I was pleasantly surprised to see an email from Paypal letting me know I’d received a payment. I wasn’t expecting it and I didn’t know where it came from. It wasn’t a lot of money but it was unexpected. So, I was a little giddy as while opening it. I quickly realized it was from one of my “other places.” I expressed my heart there and people clapped. I didn’t understand before but over there, clapping can get you paid. And yet, the money didn’t draw me away from you totally because I’m back.
Honestly, I can’t promise I’ll never leave again. Sometimes a break is good. And, I can’t promise I won’t go back to the “other place” because it felt good to get paid. But, I can promise I will never totally ignore you. That promise I’m sure of because you live in my signature. So, I see you all the time. Actually, because I see you all the time, you remind me of what I’m supposed to do. You remind me of the promises I made to myself. I promised I would take care of you. I said I would contribute at least once a week. You remind me I haven’t because you say the same thing every time I see you now.
Well, I’m taking today and turning it into a commitment. I won’t leave. I will take better care of you. Because, the truth is, you’ve allowed me to meet some pretty neat people. You have made ME a better person. I’ve grown because of you and I owe you so much!
And so, dear blog, I promise today to take care of you at least once a week as you have taken care of me daily.